Thank you for this piece. I can empathize very deeply. I don’t have any “solutions,” nor is it my place to offer them. That said, I’ve learned to accept that self-soothing with food, though not ideal, is also not the worse thing I can do (though I’m speaking as someone who contends with alcohol and illicit drug addiction also). I personally reflect on the extent to which my shame is rooted in fatphobia: if binging didn’t lead to weight gain, and if weight gain weren’t so frowned upon, would the behavior truly bother me? It doesn’t feel good, but de-coupling binging from my appearance (or trying to, anyway) has been huge. Sending you love.