Oh boy. This comment has me emotional, and that’s pretty rare. Thank you for your words, and for existing. I echo many of the same sentiments you’ve shared with me. I too wish there were easier, less stigmatized routes to pain control, but ultimately survival trumps social approval (even as, you say, it costs us dearly). You’re right – I do relive everything through writing, *and* I live with it constantly, anyway. There’s power in sharing and bearing witness (as you have done for me here), and if I’m going to constantly be thinking of it all, it helps to get it out. I’m hoping to form more connections through writing (and am optimistic that my book will provide that – its all that keeps me going some days). Like you, multiple forms of abuse over my lifetime has hardened me. Also like you, I appreciate who I’ve become, and try to reframe my suffering as the platform off which I make meaning of existence. Without advocacy and front line stuff, I really wouldn’t have a purpose; all the pain would be for nought. Writing sort of falls into that category, though it’s admittedly more self serving. Sending you much stigma – free love.